


Easier To Run

by Calletista



Category: Football RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calletista/pseuds/Calletista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>José is at the peak of his career when his past catches up with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Two years ago I left Madrid. I left because I had to. I left in a hurry and left everything behind. At least that was what I thought. Two years ago I thought that I would never come back to that place that caused me so much pain.  
But I was wrong.

# ~~~

I was about to enter my grandparents house, I took one last breath and stepped inside. Immediately the familiar scent went up my nose. My eyes wandered through the entrance hall. My gaze stopped abruptly on the wall to my left. There were still all the pictures my grandmother and I had hung up a few years ago.

As I kept staring at the wall to my left, a single tear escaped my eyes. I raised my hand and stroke one of it. It showed José and me in the backyard, sitting by the pool. My head was on his lap and he looked at me, stroking my hair. My sight got blurry as my eyes were filling with tears. Even after all this time... I felt a knot in my throat and suddenly I wasn't able to breathe. I sobbed and cried as I sunk on my knees. 

The last two years I tried my best to avoid thinking about José. It wasn't easy though, as my little girl looked so much like him. 

María was now one year and three months old. With the same eyes and the same dark, straight hair she looked much like her father. Even her lips, when she pouted. 

 

“Stop it! You know I can't come. I have to visit Mum and Dad.” José was looking at me with puppy eyes and pouting. “But... You can go after the game. I play better when you are there.” I put my arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “You and I know that is not true. You always play good. And you know that I hate to miss a game but I can't this time. Dad made it sound pretty urgent.” José sighed and pulled me closer to him wrapping his arms around my waist. “How is he doing lately?” I buried my head in his chest. “He sounded good the last few days. I guess the therapy finally helps.” José's hands stroke my back softly as he answered. “That's good. Tell them I'm going to visit them this week someday after training?” He pulled away and locked my lips. “I need to go now. See you after the game then?” I nodded and smiled. “Sure. And you better hurry. You don't want another fine for being late to the concentration.”

The next day I went to my parents' house. It was quiet as I entered. “Mom? Dad?” I took a few steps and as the stairs came into my sight my heart stopped. There was blood. A lot of blood. Without hesitation I ran upstairs following the blood trail. My whole body was shaking as I reached the bedroom of my parents. The door was wide open and I could see my Mom lying on the bed. 

 

“Olivia?” My head shot up as I heard a familiar voice calling my name. As I tried to get up two legs appeared in my sight.  
“  
“Oh Oliv, I told you to wait for me.” As he bent down I rubbed my face. “Rubio, it's fine. I was just...” He smiled at me and stroke my cheek. “You look like shit.” Guti stood up and pulled me with him. “Thank you, asshole.” I tried to make an angry face as I pulled him in an embrace but failed terribly.

“So, why am I here?” Guti pulled away and forced me to look at him. “Um... Emotional support I guess.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I need to go through everything and decide what to do.” He nodded and turned around. “Okay, where do we start?”

I already had made up a plan how to go through the shitload of things and decided to give away the most of it. “How about we start in the bedroom? There isn't that much stuff that I want to keep.” Guti nodded and followed me to the left wing of the house.

It was hard going through all the stuff and being reminded of the good, and long gone, times. Guti kept me busy by telling me stories about Aitor and Zara. It kind of helped but once in a while my emotions overwhelmed me.

A few hours later we were upstairs in the office as I heard the front door open. My head shot up from the file I was reading.  
“Did you leave the gate open?” I asked panicking. Only a few people knew the code and one of them was José. “Calm down. I didn't leave the gate open but Romina knows the code. It must be her.” He stood in front of me with his hands on my arms, rubbing them comforting. “I... Could you check? I... What... What if it's...” I couldn't finish my sentence as I heard a loud “Mama?” sound through the house.

I sighed in relief and the tension left my body, when I realized that it really was just Romina with María. "I'm here María." I yelled as I went out of the room. Maria started climbing the stairs with Romina just behind her.  
"I'm sorry. She kept asking about you and..." I cut her off. "Dont worry. It's okay. It's getting late anyway. I'll finish this tomorrow."

Maria ran towards me as she reached the top of the stairs. "Did you miss me?" She nodded as I lifted her up. "Have you been a good girl?" Again her head went up and down. I shot a look at Romina to make sure. Romina smiled and nodded as well. "Well, thank you very much you two. I guess we are going back to the hotel and grab something to eat." I headed down the stairs as I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Are you going to tell him?” Guti's words made me stress. “I didn't plan to.” As I reached the door I turned around. “It's neither his business nor yours. I've closed this chapter two years ago. It was my decision then and it is now. So please stop talking about him. María and I are going to the hotel now. She needs to eat and sleep. I'll call you tomorrow.” I made María say goodbye and left the house.

As soon as I stepped out on the street to go to my car I saw the photographers standing outside, waiting. Immediately I regretted that I didn't park the car inside of the gate. Instantly they were all over me, taking pictures, yelling at me. They asked about María and where I had been the last two years. I let the questions unanswered and went to my car as fast as possible. María didn't bother the people and kept babbling without a pause.

Finally behind the steering wheel, I took a deep breath. If José didn't know I was in Madrid he would definitely know tomorrow.

# ~~~

After María was asleep I went to the separate living room and turned on the TV. Suddenly I had a bad feeling about my stay here. I could feel a knot building in my throat. I didn't pay attention to the TV, I was only staring into space.

  
My Mom had a knife in her chest. There was blood, lots of blood. My eyes filled with tears and my sight got blurry. She was cold and not breathing. I reached for her hand as I heard footsteps on the stairs. I spun around. “Dad?” My voice was not more than a whisper when I saw him entering the bedroom, his shirt was drenched in blood and his pupils were unnaturally wide. “Oh Olivia!” A smile appeared on his face. “I made coffee. Do you want to join me?” I covered my mouth with my hand as sobs escaped my mouth. “Dad... But... What happened? Mum? What...” Again he smiled and walked towards me. Instinctively I made a few steps backwards. My body was shaking and tears streamed down my face. “Mum? She's just sleeping. You have to be quiet to not wake her. And now do me the favor and sit down with me in the living room. I have to tell you something.” 

I jerked as the buzzing of my phone ripped me out of my thoughts.

“Hey!” Normally Andrés' voice would make me feel better. Not this time. He sounded angry. “You are all over the news.” I stood up and walked to the window. I didn't want to find him out about me that way. Actually I didn't want to find him out ever. “Am I? I'm sorry...” He cut me off rudely. “I don't care. How could you not tell me about this? Your father? He didn't leave you. How couldn't you tell me? We have a child together!” He started yelling and I felt the anger rise in me. “We don't have a child together and you know that. Don't you dare use María against me!” I took a deep breath, I didn't want to yell and wake her up. “I had a reason to not tell you. If you would know the whole story you would understand.”

He scoffed before he continued. “Yeah, but I don't know the whole story because you never told me. You killed a man!!!” I laughed slightly. “Okay. Stop right there. I'm going to hang up. I don't need to hear this from you. I'll call you when I finished the settlements here and when I'm about to go back home.” I did as I said and hung up.

# ~~~

It was still warm outside when I sat down on the balcony with a glass of red wine. I sighed as I watched the lights of Madrid.

I should have never started dating Andrés. And I never should have let him fall in love with me. It wasn't fair towards him. And it wasn't fair towards María. She liked him. I put my face in my hands and the tears started to fall. I really fucked up big times.

“Dad? What happened? I need to call the police... This...” I took my phone out of my bag. My hands were shaking and I was still crying. “Olivia. There is no need for the police. Just come with me to the living room.” Once again he started walking towards me. I made a quick move and managed to get to the bedroom door. “She wouldn't stop complaining about your wedding. She was just nagging about José. She couldn't shut up. So... I...” Suddenly his voice was only a whisper. I turned around and saw his eyes were clear again. Slowly I moved towards the stairs. “Dad. What did you do?” It wasn't a real question. It was pure horror. All of a sudden he started to move. He reached me when I got to the stairs and put his hands on my shoulders. “I didn't... It was... You can't call the police. You hear me? You can't. I will take care of this.” He was spinning me around, shaking me and almost yelling. I couldn't move. I was shocked and tears were still streaming down my face. “Dad...” I whispered as I saw a single tear falling from his eye.  
After my body recovered from the numbness I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away with as much force I was able to build up. 

The stairs. He fell.

# ~~~

Two years ago I left Madrid. I left because I had to. I left in a hurry and left everything behind. At least that was what I thought. Two years ago I thought that I would never come back to that place that caused me so much pain.  
But I was wrong. Right now I was at the balcony of my hotel room and looked down on the city I once called my home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic (i like to think it gets better in the later chapters but yeah feel free to judge yourself)  
> some feedback would be appreciated :)  
> even if it's just a "u suck. stop writing." (maybe not with those words ;))
> 
> also i'm not a native speaker so if there are any mistakes in it... sorry not sorry.

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you start regretting things you've done or things you've said?  
I've never been to that point. The things I do or say are always in coincide with my opinion or beliefs – until now. I never regretted leaving José or leaving Madrid. I had my reasons and I believed in them – until now. Sure I was sad and I had some doubts, but back then I was sure it was the right decision.

# ~~~

  
An hour after the police left the house, my grandfather took me home. I wasn't able to drive, I was still shaking but in some kind of shock. I didn't cry, I didn't suffer. It was just shaking and scary clear thinking. The only thing left in my head was José. What if he found out? He would head straight home. He would abandon the concentration. Even though Mourinho had promised him he would start the game. “I need to make sure José won't find out anything about this before the game. I need to call Mourinho.” My grandfather put his hand on my shoulder, slowly stroking it. “You know that there are no papers in the hotel.” He tried to calm me down. “I know that. But they have smartphones, they have laptops, they have TV. And when they head to the stadium there is going to be the press and they will know. And they will confuse him. I can't let that happen. I need to go to the hotel. Right now... Please.” He sighed but gave in and drove me to the hotel. 

“I don't care if there are rules. I need to talk to Mr. Mourinho immediately. Just call him and tell him I'm here. It's about José Callejon. Say him whatever you want. Say it's about life and death. I need to talk to him. Just get him down here. I don't need to see a player. I need to see the coach.” The young man behind the desk still refused to call Mourinho. I moaned and threw my hand in the air. My grandfather who stood behind me put his hands on my shoulders. “Shhh. It's okay. Let me.” He turned to the receptionist. “Listen young man. This is my hotel, so if you want to continue working here, call him. Tell him who is here and that we need to talk to him. Immediately.” The man behind the desk mumbled something but finally made the call.  


# ~~~

It was one of the rare days where I woke up earlier then María. I had barely slept and my dreams were all about the incident two years ago. I hadn't dreamt about it in almost one year. I picked up my phone and called Andrés, in the hope that he wouldn't be mad at me. “You are calling me that early? What happened?” He didn't even say hello to me but I could hear that he wasn't upset. “Nothing. I just... I wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.” He chuckled. “You miss me? Really?” I sighed and sat down on the couch.”Of course I miss you. I like you most of the time. And I wanted to say I'm sorry. I know I should've told you. But I wasn't ready yet. I will tell you everything when I get back home.” He sighed and there was a moment of silence. “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have made assumptions. When do you come back?” He yawned. “I don't know. I have a meeting with the lawyer today. Probably tomorrow or the day after. Depends on what else comes my way.” He scoffed. “Or who comes your way?” There you go. Of course he was still mad at me. “I don't plan to see anyone.” I sighed. “I knew it wasn't a good idea to call you. I need to go now. María is going to wake up soon and I need to shower. I'll text you when I know when I'm coming home.” Right now I really wanted to throw my phone against the wall or destroy something else. I was mad at myself for not telling Andrés and I was mad at Andrés for not being more understanding.

I decided to take María with me because Romina had something to do and I didn't want to leave her with some stranger. And right after showering, breakfast and getting María ready I went down to the reception to ask for a car with toned windows because I didn't want another photo shoot like yesterday.

“Yes we have one. But the car is only for VIP's. I'm sorry.” She smiled at me. I let María down and grabbed her hand. “Do you see the people outside?” The girl stood up and looked out of the window. She nodded. “Fine. They are here for me. So, I'm kind of important. But I don't want them to see me. So if you have that car. Give it to me.” Her smile grew wilder and she shook her head. “I'm really sorry, but there are rules that I have to follow and I can't give you that car.”

I took a deep breath and leaned towards to her. “Listen. I don't care if you know me or not. I just need that car right now. So give it to me or get your fucking manager.” This girl was really pissing me off. María was constantly pulling my hand and was whining. I bent down. “Sweetie, it won't take any longer. But when I'm finished here you can play with Guti the whole day.” I stroke her hair and placed a kiss on her head as she squealed and smiled at me.

I sighed as I reached for my purse in my pocket. I put out my ID and handed it to the girl behind the desk. Her eyes grew wider as she saw my name and I couldn't help but smile. “I didn't want to do that but are you now willing to get the manager? Or the car?” She stammered something I didn't understand and went to the room behind her.

“Mummy is getting a car finally. Isn't that a good thing?” I said as I lifted María up again. Her little head went up and down but I doubted that she understood what I meant.

“Senora Marquez?” The voice of a man ripped me out of my thoughts. I turned around. “Yes, that's me.” He held out his hand but I wasn't able to take it because of María. “I'm sorry. Why didn't you say who you are in the first place? You don't have to pay...” I shook my head and cut him off. “Just give me that car already. I have to go.” He nodded and gave me my ID back. “It's in the basement garage. Let me show you the way.”

# ~~~

At the house there were more photographers, I even spotted a camera team. As we reached the gate I told the driver the security code and we entered. Guti's car was already there, next to a car I didn't know. “I'm going to call when I'm finished. Could take a while.” I said to the driver as I took María. “Are you excited to see Guti?” A smile lit up her face. “'Ti...” I laughed slightly. “Yes, Guti.”

 

I found Guti in the kitchen, holding a cup and talking to someone I guessed it was the lawyer of my grandfather. Before I could say something María started jumping on my arm. “'Ti... 'Ti...” She almost yelled. I laughed and Guti started smiling and reached out to her. “Did you just try to say my name?” I gave María to him. “It's GU-ti...” He winked and blew me a kiss as I turned around. “Hola, Senor Garcia?” He nodded as he took my hand. “How long will this take?” I put out a cup and poured some coffee in it. “Normally not much longer than an hour.” I nodded. “Rubio is it okay if I leave María with you?” He was still busy teaching her how to say Guti. “Of course. Take your time.” I placed a kiss on his cheek and mouthed a silent “Thank you”

After an hour of signing papers and discussing what to do with the foundation and the hotels we were finally at a point where we could continue working together from afar. “Let me know your decision regarding the hotels. I will call you next week.” I nodded and said goodbye.

# ~~~

  
It felt like hours until Mourinho was finally in front of me. “You know it's against the rules. You can't see José.” He looked at me with an annoyed face. “I know. I'm sorry to bother you. But I'm not here to see him. I need to talk to you. I need to explain something to you.” I sat down on a couch and took a deep breath. “You need to promise me that you won't let José near ANY kind of news before the game. He can't use his laptop. He can't use his phone. He can't talk to anyone outside the team. When you head to the stadium you have to make sure he won't get in contact with the press in any way.” He wanted to interrupt me but I ignored him. “No. You have to make sure. Something happened today. Something really bad. And it's all over the news. You can watch it. But they tell things about me that aren't true. I have to tell him myself. He can't find out. Especially before the game. He won't be able to play. You just need to believe me.” He looked at me even more annoyed than before but with confusion and pity in his expression. “But if you say it's all over the news I need to make sure no one of the team sees it, right? So they can't tell him.” I shrugged. “Do whatever you need. Please. I beg you. Watch the news but don't believe everything they say. Maybe you will understand.” Suddenly my brain was empty. I said everything I had to say. I did everything I could. Now it was up to him. “Can you at least tell me what happened?” The coach looked down on me. I sighed and took out my phone. Quickly I found a page where they showed a video of what happened. He took my phone and watched it without any expression. After the video was finished he gave me my phone and nodded. “Are you sure you don't want to tell him now?” I shook my head. “No. He needs to play. He was so looking forward to the game today. Football is his life, it means everything to him. I can't take that away from him.”  


# ~~~

“Woah what's that smell?” Guti was standing in front of the stove with María in his arms. He turned around. “I made Paella. Someone was getting hungry.” He poked María with his free hand and she started squeezing.

 

“Want to talk about it?” Guti and I sat on the couch in the living room after eating, both watching María sleep. I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “About what?” He raised one eyebrow. “You know about what. Are you going to talk to him or not?” I moaned. “I didn't plan to...” Guti cut me off by throwing his hands in the air. “Are you serious? You are here in Madrid. With María. He watched the news. He saw María. He wants to talk to you. He wants to see you. He wants answers. He's devastated.” I scoffed. “Yeah sure. Because you know what he wants and feels. And even if, I don't have answers for him. What should I tell him?” I tried to keep my voice down to not wake up María. “He called me yesterday.” Guti was now walking up and down in front of me. “Good for you.” I mumbled under my breath. He shot me a glare. “Stop that shit. I was okay with you moving to Barcelona because it seemed right for you at that time. And I thought you would come back as soon as your wounds were healed. You love him for gods sake. You can't run around like this and believe things are going to be good as long as you are not in Madrid.”

“Stop it.” I dragged him into the kitchen. “Have you ever considered that my wounds aren't healed yet? You don't tell me what I have to do or feel. You may have a little bonus for being with me all this time and dealing with me for years, but don't overstep the boundaries. You are my best friend and the only friend I have left here, so don't make me hate you.” I put my face in my hands and leaned against the cupboard.

You know, I never liked it when people told me what to do. I like to make my own decisions and live the way I want to. And it's even worse if people try to tell me what I'm supposed to feel. But I just realized that he really was my only friend I had here. It hurt to know that no one would be here if I ever decided to come back. But it was my own fault. I decided to leave Madrid and my life. A few of my friends made attempts to reach me after I left but after I changed my number they stopped. I had to beg Guti to not give my number to anyone. He was the only one I stayed in contact with. After all he was like a brother for me.  
Right now I regretted my decision. Of course I had friends in Barcelona. But I couldn't compare them to the people here. The people I had known my entire life. Who had known me for my entire life.

His touch ripped my out of my thoughts. He pulled my hands away from my face and smiled at me. “This is not true. They all called yesterday. To hear how you were doing.” I put my arms around his waist and buried my head on his chest. “Stop. You don't have to do that.” He stroke my hair and laughed slightly. “I didn't make it up. It's true. Besides José, there were Juanmi, Esteban, Sara...” I pulled away and cut him off with a small laugh. “I almost believed you. But Sara? Seriously? She never liked me. Why would she call?” He shrugged. “I don't know. But she did.” I laughed and turned towards the coffee machine. “Maybe she just needs some gossip.”

# ~~~

There was a time when I could talk to Guti about everything. Right now he would tell me that this hadn't changed, that I could always come to him. Maybe it was true, maybe this would never change. But I changed. I just wasn't able to admit it at that point.

I have been to a therapist and talked with him about the whole incident. But I never talked to him about my relationship with José. I lied about that. Not only to him but also to myself. Maybe it was finally time to start telling the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...where they meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olivia refuses to talk to José. So Guti takes matters in his own hands.

Every day of your life you make decisions. You decide what to wear, what to eat and lots of unimportant stuff like this. Then there are decisions you need to think about a little bit more. Like getting a new car or buying a house. These are decisions you make on your own. But there are decisions in which other people are involved. Like getting married or having a baby.

And then there is one decision you only can make on your own but it affects not only you. The decision to leave the love of your life.

# ~~~

When I said I didn't plan to see anyone I was telling the truth. I wanted to fly back to Barcelona the day after the meeting with the lawyer. But Guti forced me to go with him to the match. It was halftime now and Guti had María on his lap and talked to her.

“See María, there's your Papi!” I punched Guti in the side and glared at him as he pointed towards José. “What? She doesn't understand.” He shrugged and María started jumping on his lap. “I know but she tends to echo things.” I turned my view back on the field. José was warming up on the sideline. My heart was beating way to fast. And as Guti started to wave towards him it stopped for a second. “What are you doing?” I spoke through my teeth. “I'm just greeting a friend.” José stopped in the middle of his exercise and looked in our direction. No, it wasn't looking. It was staring. And out of the corner of my eye I saw why. María was standing on Guti's lap and waved like crazy. My mouth dropped open. “María, stop it.” As fast as I could I picked her up and put her on my lap. “You can't wave at strangers, sweetheart.” I sensed a movement next to me and turned my head. “Do you want something to drink too? Or María?” Guti was standing now, looking down at me. “Uhm... Yeah, water would be good.” I smiled at him as he nodded and left. I looked back down on the pitch. José was gone.

 

We were on the way to the car when Guti suddenly stopped. “Wait here, I'll be right back.” I wanted to reply something but he was already on the way back to the stadium. I was confused but stayed right there. “'Ti?” Maria pulled my hand and I bent down to her. “I don't know where he went. But I'm sure he'll be back soon.” I pulled her in my arms. “Olivia?” I froze in my movement and my heartbeat dropped. But it wasn't enough. “Papi?” María pointed at José. I stood up and turned around with her in my arms. His eyes were wide open and he opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again without saying anything. “Uhm... Listen... I... Guti said that earlier and she... She just echoed it.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Yeah... Can we talk?” His face showed no expressions but he looked kind of annoyed. “I don't know. I don't think there is anything I could tell you. And María is really sleepy.” At least María was still on my side as she put her head on my shoulder and yawned. “If you don't have anything to say to me, then you can at least listen to what I have to say. And I'm sure Guti will take care of her. Will you?” The question was directed to someone behind me. I turned around and saw Guti standing right there. Oh... Now it made sense. “Oh... Wow... Really? You set up the whole thing?” I shot him a glare but he only shrugged. “Give me María. I'll take her home with me.” I gave him María and mouthed “I'll kill you!”.

 

We drove in his car and there was nothing but tensed silence. I stared out of the window not able to say something. The thoughts in my head went wild and I wasn't able to sort them out. Until we drove into the street. Suddenly my mind went blank and I turned my head to José. “You... You still live here?” He scoffed. “Yeah. Why wouldn't I?” I shrugged and looked down on my hands. “I don't know. I just thought...” He pulled the car over and drove into the driveway. “What? You thought what? That I'm going to start a whole new life? That I'm going to run away from my feelings? That I would left everything behind? That I would hurt the people that love me and don't give a fuck?” He got out of the car and slammed the door. I followed him and stopped him by reaching out to his arm. He spun around, glaring at me with anger in his eyes. “If you are going to talk like this, you can get back into that car and drive me back right away. Because I don't need to listen to you insulting me. I thought we could talk like grown ups here.” He pulled his arm out of my hands and just turned away, getting into the house.

# ~~~

  
One hour after the game, my grandfather and me sat in the living room. We weren't talking, just waiting. “You can go if you want. You don't need to stay. I'm alright.” He shook his head. “It's okay. I'll wait until José returns.” I stood up and nodded. “Do you want something to drink?” He shook his head again and I headed towards the kitchen. It would probably take another hour until José would arrive. He played and they won. I just hoped that he didn't need to give interviews. But Mourinho promised. On the other hand he only promised that he won't let José near any press or news before the game. As I went back into the living room I heard the front door. “Olivia? Querida? Where are you?” I could hear the panic in his voice and looked at my grandfather. Someone already told him. “Living room.” I yelled but he already stepped inside. In training clothes and not showered. “What happened? The míster told me to come here as soon as possible. And he acted really weird the whole day.” He was standing in front of me his hands on my shoulders. “I'm going to leave. You call me when you need anything?” I nodded and just waved towards my grandfather. “What happened? Everybody was acting so strange and there were so much photographers outside. Querida? Everything okay?” I shook my head and sat back on the couch. “Sit. Please. Something bad happened today. Mum and Dad... They... They are dead.”  


# ~~~

“Are you coming?” José ripped me out of my thoughts. I took a deep breath before stepping into the house.

The familiar environment brought up lots of memories and I knew this was going to be really hard for me. I couldn't allow myself to let my feelings take over. I wasn't ready to face him, so the only thing I could do was trying to numb my feelings as much as possible. I know, it sounds wrong. But if I would face him and let my feelings lead me I would probably break down.

José sat down on the couch while I stayed on my feet, leaning on the ledge. “So... Talk!” My voice was without any emotions and I crossed my arms as I looked at him. “Wow, when did you turn in such a cold-hearted bitch?” He shook his head and leaned back. I took a deep breath. “Alright. I'm going to say it one more time. If everything you'll do is insult me, I'm going to leave. You wanted to talk. So I assume you have to say something. So... Talk!” I couldn't help but raise my voice at the end and José was staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

“You know, I never blamed you for leaving. I always understood in some kind of way.” He shook his head. “Good for you.” I mumbled and his head shot up immediately. “Wow... Are you serious? I'm not allowed to insult you but you are allowed to act like a bitch? Just shut up and listen already. I never blamed you for leaving. I always understood in some kind of way. But I always thought that you would come back. Have you ever thought about me when you left?” I sighed and put my hands in my pockets. “All I thought about was you. That's why I left.” José shook his head in disbelief. “So I'm the reason why you left?” I laughed slightly and walked towards a shelf. There were framed pictures in it. Mostly pictures of him and his friends. “I didn't say that.” I could hear him standing up. “To me it sounded like that. But if I'm wrong, tell me the real reason.” I turned around and saw him standing by the window. “I can't.” He moaned and crossed his arms. “Is María my daughter?” I threw my hands in the air. “This is not what I came here for. I'm sorry, but I can't...” I pulled out my phone and dialed Guti's number. “What are you doing?” He stood up and walked towards me. “I'm calling Guti. He needs to pick me up.” José laughed. “You think he'll pick you up? He came up with the idea for this.” I put my phone down again and took a step forward. “Yes. He maybe set this thing up. But he's still my friend. My best friend. And he thought this whole thing would be good for me. But he was wrong. It's only good for him and his bad conscience. The only thing that I get from this is a fucking headache. So let me make that call and shut up. I can't deal with you right now. I can't. Do you think I ran away because it's fun? Do you think I stayed away because it's fun? Do you seriously think that?” José put his hands in his pockets and stared at his feet. Suddenly a barrage inside of me broke and I just wanted to spit out my feelings. “I left because I had to. I stayed away because I had to.” I was breathing heavy as I turned around and walked out of the room. I looked at my phone. Guti was still on the phone. “Will you please pick me up now?” He mumbled some words of agreement and hung up. “Oliv...” I shook my head as I heard José's voice behind me. “Don't... Just... Don't. I can't.” I stepped out of the house and closed the door behind me. There were no photographers on the street so I just sat down on the pavement to wait for Guti.

It took him almost half an hour to arrive. In the meantime I already had booked a flight back to Barcelona. I got in the car without a word, I didn't even look at him. I turned around and noticed that María wasn't there. “Where is María?” He started the engine and looked at me. “With Romina.” Guti pulled out into the traffic. “Oh great. Now it's going to take even longer.” I stared out of the window and ignored Guti.

“Are you going to talk to me?” The thoughts in my head were spinning around and I couldn't think straight. It hurt. I didn't imagine my first meeting with José like this. I actually didn't imagine a meeting with José before María's tenth birthday. “Can you please hurry up? I have a flight to catch and I still need to grab the stuff from the hotel!” Guti pulled the car over and stopped it. “What? You are going to run away again?” I moaned and turned towards him. “No! I'm not going to run away. I didn't plan to stay in Madrid longer than yesterday. But then I decided to go to the game with you. Because I wanted to spend some time with you. And I wanted María to spend some time with you. But you decided to fuck things up. So yes, I'm going to leave again. I'm going back to my life. I've done the things I needed to do and now I can go home.” I breathed heavy and glared at him. “Wow. If I would've known that this was such a big deal for you...” I cut him off and yelled at him. “Are you serious? I told you. I didn't want to meet him. I told you, that I couldn't give him answers. How do you think he would react if I tell him that I left because of him? What if I tell him that I left because of his career? When this all happened he was about to start a big career. What happened would have destroyed it. I would've destroyed it. That's why I left. To give him the one thing he loves more than me. Football is his life. It was always his number one and I accepted it. If I would have stayed with him he wouldn't be where he is now.” I took a deep breath. “If I tell him this. He would blame him for destroying our relationship. It would break him. I can't tell him.” He looked at me and studied my expressions.

“Wow. You actually believe this.” Guti said after a few minutes silence. I raised an eyebrow and wanted to say something but he cut me off. “It's okay. I won't argue with you about that. I'm going to drive you to the airport later and hope that you are going to go to the therapist again. You need to talk about that issue to him and hopefully he can beat some sense into you. Because apparently I can't.” He pulled back into traffic. “Yeah. Whatever.” I wasn't wondering why he didn't understand me. After all he was just a man.

# ~~~

  
I stood in the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I had huge rings under my eyes and my hair was a mess. A single tear fell down my cheek as I took another look at the pregnancy test. Still positive. In the worst time of my life I got one of the happiest news of my life. But I wasn't happy. I felt nothing but sadness and desperation. I had to leave. I couldn't let all this affect him. He was getting less playing time since it happened. Even almost two months after the incident the people called me a murderer and in the tabloids were still all kind of horror stories about me. There was no other choice for me. I took my phone. I had two hours until José would come back. “Oliv?” Calida sounded surprised as she picked up. “Yes. Hi. I need your help.”

After she promised me to help, I set up all things I needed for my departure. The few bags I packed were standing in the entrance hall and I was standing in the bedroom. I looked down on the paper that was laying in front of me.

> My Love,
> 
> when we first met I didn't know that I could ever love the way I do. With every day in my life my love for you grows stronger. I wish I could express my feelings for you but I don't know the right words.
> 
> The day you asked me to marry you, I promised to never leave you. You were supposed to be the father of my children. You were supposed to be the man I grow old with.
> 
> Things happened that weren't supposed to happen. When you said we can make it through, I believed you. I believed you, because you are my life.
> 
> Now I beg you to believe me that I have no other choice than to break my promise. I have to leave you.
> 
> I will love you forever!
> 
> Olivia  
> 

  
I slipped my engagement ring down from my finger and put it on the paper. As I left the room tears were running down my face.  


# ~~~

You make decisions because they seem right to you and sometimes you don't care if other people agree with you, you do them anyway. But if you are lucky, the decision was right for other people too. And if not? Well, most likely you are going to have a problem. And then there is the third option. The decision you made wasn't right for you or anyone. But either you can't see your fault or you decide to ignore it. In this case you can only wait for your brain to follow your heart, accept your fault and try to repair what's left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is José's POV.

What do you do when the one person you love more than anything else leaves you? Do you go on with your life like nothing happened? Do you stop everything and try to get her back?

I tried both options. And none of them worked for me. So, what do you do?

# ~~~

„Querida? I'm home!“ I put my bag at the bottom of the stairs and went to the kitchen. She wasn't there, neither in the living room. I grabbed my bag and went upstairs. “Olivia?” I stick my head through the door of her workroom but it was empty. Maybe she went out? No. I shook my head. She hadn't been out since the incident. And the appointment with the therapist was yesterday. I went through the bedroom into the bathroom and emptied my bag. I was about to leave the bathroom as I spotted an empty spot in Olivia's shelf. I stopped and looked closer. Half of her stuff was gone. “What the...” I spun around, stormed back in the bedroom and was about to enter the closet when I saw a piece of paper on the bed. I went towards the bed and saw something shiny on the sheet. I swallowed. It was her engagement ring. I set down on the bed and reached for the ring and the paper. I twirled the ring between my fingers as I read the paper. My mouth was dry and my eyes were filling with tears.

> My Love,
> 
> when we first met I didn't know that I could ever love the way I do. With every day in my life my love for you grows stronger. I wish I could express my feelings for you but I don't know the right words.
> 
> The day you asked me to marry you, I promised to never leave you. You were supposed to be the father of my children. You were supposed to be the man I grow old with.
> 
> Things happened that weren't supposed to happen. When you said we can make it through, I believed you. I believed you, because you are my life.
> 
> Now I beg you to believe me that I have no other choice than to break my promise. I have to leave you.
> 
> I will love you forever!
> 
> Olivia

No. She didn't do that. I put my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number. She had turned her phone off. Of course. I tried it again. Still turned off. I stood up and walked around. I checked the closet. Only a few clothes were gone. She didn't pack that much. She will come back soon. No, you idiot. She can afford to buy new one.

# ~~~

I was on my way to the locker room as I heard someone yelling my name. “José María!” I spun around. No one called me by my full name. Not even my mother. I didn't see anyone so I walked around the next corner. There stood a girl, probably my age, and it seemed like she was arguing with Guti. The other José María. Well, no. I was the other José María, he was Guti. “You promised me I can watch today!” She yelled at him and poked him into his chest. “I know Pequena. But the coach said no visitors today. I'm sorry. I can't take you with me. You have to wait here.” She threw her hands in the air and snorted. “Normally you don't care what the coach says. But fine! I'll wait here. I'm going to find something to do. But don't blame me when something happens.” I laughed slightly. Normally no one would talk with Guti like this. “Oh and Guti!” Guti was already around the corner as she once again yelled his name. “I'm going to tell Arancha!” It didn't seemed like she really meant it because she laughed and went in my direction. “Hi. Sorry, I didn't want to overhear your conversation but... Uhm... I heard that you have nothing to do right now and I thought... Maybe you want to watch our training?” Her face lit up. “Hi. Uhm... Sorry, but are you José or Juanmi?” She laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I'm José.” I winked and put my hands in my pockets. “You are?” She blushed and looked down. “Sorry. I'm Olivia. Uhm... Are you sure I can watch?” I nodded. “Yeah. Shouldn't be a problem. There are always lots of people. You know, parents and so...” I grabbed my bag. “I should go. We're on five. Maybe we can talk later?” She smiled at me and nodded. “I would love to. See you.” Before I could reply something I heard Esteban calling my name. “Calleti! You should hurry, the coach doesn't like delays! Especially when it's about girls!” I saw her blushing again and with a last wink I walked away.

# ~~~

Guti! He knows. I dialed his number as fast as I could. “Guti!! Where is she?” I didn't even let him say hello. “José? What? Where is who?” He sounded confused but I was sure he did exactly know where Olivia was. “Don't act like this. Olivia! Where is she?” I heard him close a door. “What do you mean where is she? She should be with you?” I stood up and paced up and down in the room. “She isn't with me. And now stop lying! Tell me where she is!” I yelled at him. He really didn't know. That was bad. If he didn't know, she was really gone. I didn't want to believe it. He had to know. “Okay. Calm down. I'll be at your place in a few.” Guti hung up.

“He doesn't know. That's bad... Really bad...” I shook my head as I realized that I was talking to myself. Totally into my thoughts I jerked as I heard the ringing of the front door. “You have a fucking key Guti!” I yelled while opening the door. “Sorry, forgot it.” He slipped into the house. “Olivia?” His voice sounded through the house. I scoffed. “Yeah, like I didn't do that. I searched for her in the entire house. This was what I found in the bedroom.” I handed him the letter she wrote me. He read it and shook his head. “I didn't know.” I cut him off. “What? How didn't you know? You are her best friend! You should know!” He banged his fist on the kitchen counter. “If I had known about this I would have stopped her. You know that! Stop blaming me.” He was yelling at me. I rubbed my eyes with my palms. “I know. I'm sorry. I just... I can't believe she did that. She even left her engagement ring.” And then a thought crossed my mind that made me swallow. “What... What... If she...” I couldn't even speak it out loud. Guti's eyes grew wide as he understood. “You mean... No. She wouldn't do that.” Guti shook his head furiously. “You're right. I'll call her therapist. He has to know something.” I reached for the phone and dialed.

He didn't know anything. And actually he wasn't even allowed to talk to me about anything. “Fuck that shit.” I threw the phone on the table. Guti sat in front of me on the couch. “Does she have any friends? I mean... Besides the one you have together?” I slammed my palm onto my head. Why didn't I think of her earlier. “Yes. Calida. She met her when we lived in Barcelona. They were really close.” I picked up the phone again but froze immediately. “I don't have her number.” I stood up and paced up and down.

“Olivia?” I spun around as I heard Guti say her name. He made a sign towards me to remain silent and pointed to the phone on his ear. “Where are you?” He put the phone from his ear and put Olivia on speaker. “You are with him right?” Her voice sounded weak and there was a lot of background noise. Guti wanted to say something but she interrupted him. “I just wanted to say I'm okay. I'm on my way to... I'm okay. I need to go. My plane is boarding.” I ran towards the table. “Olivia? Please...” I could see that she was still in the line but as soon as she heard my voice she hung up. “She was at the freaking airport all the time?!? She was there and the idea of checking didn't cross my mind?”

 

I called in sick the next day, telling the team doctor I had eaten something wrong and there was no need for a check up.

It was noon when I picked up the phone for about the tenth time this day. “José? How are you two doing?” Juanmi almost cheered as he picked up. I sighed. “Oliv left.” Juanmi gasped. “What? Why? How?” I sat down on the kitchen table. “I don't know. I found a note and her engagement ring yesterday.” Juanmi was silent for a minute. “Guti? Does he know where she is?” I shook my head. “No.” I said as I realized that he couldn't see me. “She called him yesterday to say that she's okay.” Another minute of silence. “Wow. If he doesn't know... Should I come? Do you need me?”

I said no. Juanmi had training as well and I wanted to be alone for a little while.

# ~~~

“Do you know who the girl was you couldn't stop staring at, during training?” Esteban sat down next to me in the locker room. “Olivia?” I looked at him while I put my clothes on. “Yes. But do you know who she is?” Slowly I shook my head. I was confused. Should I be worried? “Well, first of all she's Olivia Marquez. You know, the Marquez-Foundation, the hotels...” Oh. I nodded. “Yeah. But probably worse is that she's a friend of Guti. Well, not only a friend. I don't know if they are related... But he's very protective of her. That's what I heard. And you don't want to mess with Guti.” I swallowed. No, I didn't want to mess with Guti. On the other hand I didn't plan to hurt her. Just a little talking. And there was no need Guti had to know about it. “I don't plan to mess with Guti. And I don't plan to mess with her.” I grabbed my bag. “See you tomorrow.” I waved and stepped out of the locker room.

Olivia stood on the wall opposite to the door and looked at her feet. “Hi.” Her head shot up and she smiled at me. “Hi.” I smiled back and put my bag over my shoulder. “Do you want to grab some ice somewhere?” The smile disappeared and she bit her lip. “I can't. I have to wait for Guti. He's my babysitter today.” She winked and laughed a little. “Hm... How about we go to the café here? You can watch the rest of their session and we'll see when they are finished...” She shook her head. “Remember? I'm not allowed to watch the session.” I smiled at her. “Remember? I'm a player.”

We sat down in the café and talked. She was amazing. Smart, lovely and funny. Every time our eyes met I could see the sparkle in them. She smiled during the whole time. And I couldn't help but smile with her.

# ~~~

The next few weeks I called her every day. My calls were always routed to the mailbox or just left unanswered. It was like she disappeared from the face of the earth. No one heard of her. Not even her grandfather. I feared that someday the police would stand on my door to bear me the news of her death.

I worked even harder at training. So I could at least forget for a few hours. I gave everything I had.

“José can I talk to you for a second?” We were running laps around the training ground as Mourinho called my name. I jogged over to him. “Sure. What can I do for you?” The coach pulled me away from the rest of the coaching staff. “I appreciate your effort. And I see that you work hard. But I'm struck that you are overstepping your boundaries. Is everything okay?” I nodded. “Everything's fine. I'm aware of my powers and I can take care of me.”

Two weeks later I was proofed wrong. I suffered a hamstring injury during training. I was out almost a month. It was a hard time because I had lots of spare time and the thoughts about her came back.

And then, nearly three months after her disappearance, there were pictures of her arriving in Madrid. She looked good and smiled into the cameras. She went to visit her grandfather and after that? She disappeared again. I felt like an idiot.

# ~~~

 

“Hi.” Guti's voice was silent. “Did you see the pictures?” I swallowed and sat down on the couch. “Yeah. She looked good. Better than...” Guti snorted. “Yeah. She called me today. She was in a clinic the last two months and now she's moving to Barcelona.” I sat up. “In a clinic? Moving to Barcelona?” That was unexpected. “Yes. She said she's much better now and I should visit her as soon as possible. And...” He paused. “There's something she told me but I had to promise to not tell you but I think you should know...” I cut him off. “Don't tell me. I'm not a part of her live anymore. There is nothing I need to know.”

Later I looked at the pictures of her again. She was smiling, she looked good. But if you looked closer, the smile didn't reach her eyes. She wasn't good. And this was the moment I understood. She didn't leave because of her. She left because of me. To protect me.

# ~~~

How do you go on with your live when the one person you love more than anything else leaves you? You try to cope with it. You try your best to live and try your best to avoid a break down.

If you can do that, maybe someday you reach a point where it's not that hard anymore. You get back on track. You start new. Maybe you move. Maybe you get a new job. You cut your hair. You get rid of things that remind you of her.

If you don't reach that point? You try. Every day. You try to live and try your best to avoid a break down.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why did you leave him?”  
> “I had to.”  
> “Okay. Who told you that you had to?”  
> “What?”  
> “Well, I thought, if you had to, someone forced you.”  
> “No. No one forced me.”  
> “So then... Why did you leave him?”  
> 

When you suffer a severe trauma everything changes. Not only you. You change the way you think, you change the way you feel, you change the way you live. Maybe you change into a better person. Maybe you change into a different person. But sometimes you change and you don’t realize it. But to live your life you need to know who you are. You have to work to realize the change and get your heart and brain to work together with your subconscious.

# ~~~

I’ve been back in Barcelona for almost three weeks. When I got back after my trip to Madrid, Andrés and I had a talk. I promised to tell him everything but I needed time, and he promised to give me that time.

It was Friday evening and it was still warm. I walked down the street with María on my hand after I picked her up from day-care. “Do you want some ice cream?” I looked down on her and she nodded furiously. As I looked back up I saw a familiar face walking my way. “Juanmi?” I was really surprised to see him. A smile appeared on his face. “Olivia! What a coincidence... How are you?” It was weird, we hadn’t seen each other in two years but nevertheless it felt normal. “I’m good. I just picked María up... Never mind. How are you?” He looked down to María and she started smiling at him. She pulled my hand and I bent down. “Papi?” She looked confused towards Juanmi. “Oh... No... No. It’s not...” I picked her up and looked at Juanmi. There was a confused look on his face. “Sorry. It’s...” I sighed. “Guti said that the other day at the match when José was warming up and... And she... She echoes things. I’m sorry.” I stroke María’s head. “It’s okay. I kinda look like him.” He laughed but I was still shocked. “ICE!!” María suddenly yelled and I had to laugh. “Yes. You’ll get your ice cream.” I looked at Juanmi. “Do you... Uhm... Do you want to join?” He smiled. “Sure. I don’t have much time but I guess I can spare half an hour.”

“Tell me, what are you doing in Barcelona?” I asked after I got María some ice cream and we sat down on a bench. “The team is playing against Barca B tomorrow and yeah... Mental support.” He winked. “Oh yeah. I heard about your knee. I’m sorry.” He waved aside. “I try to make the best out of it. At least I have more time now. But... You haven’t introduced me to your little companion yet.” He smiled towards Maria but she was busy eating her ice cream and didn’t pay attention. “Well... Juanmi, this is María.” Her head finally shot up when she heard her name. “’anmi?” He laughed. “Yes. This is Juanmi, your uncle.” I didn’t know why I told him the truth. I had no reasons, it just felt right at that moment. 

A smile appeared on his face. “So it’s true?” I nodded. “Does he suspect something or does he know it?” Juanmi shook his head. “He didn’t say anything. It was just me when I saw the pictures. Why didn’t you tell him?” I shrugged. “I couldn’t. It was a difficult time.” 

I knew that if he would ask more I would tell him everything. It just felt right to talk with him. Maybe because he looked like José, talked like him and had almost the same expressions. If he would ask I probably would tell him all the things I couldn’t tell José.

“Can I ask you something?” He nodded and I looked down on my hands. “How’s José doing? I mean, I see him on the pitch and he’s on fire. But when we talked, he looked so broken, hurt and desperate.” Juanmi looked at me, being silent for a minute. “You are actually in no position to ask about him.” I turned to María and nodded. “You should ask him. Call him, talk to him.” I scoffed. “Yeah, because the last time we talked turned out so well.” María had finished her ice and sat on my lap, playing with a tissue. “Maybe it’s better on the phone...” I shook my head. “I have nothing to say to him.” Juanmi snorted. “I’m sure you have. And I’m sure you are going to find out some day. But don’t take too much time. José may move on.” I pulled María closer to me and buried my face in her hair. His words hurt me though I didn’t know why. 

I had closed the chapter José two years ago when I left. I had no problem with him moving on. I did the same. But still, it hurt.

“Alright, I have to go. Maybe we can talk again sometime?” He stood up and bent down to me, placing a kiss on my cheek.

 

María was already asleep when Andrés called. “Hi! I thought you would sleep here tonight?” I sat down on the patio with a glass of wine as I greeted him. “I have an appointment early in the morning and I guess you can need some sleep. Where have you been this afternoon?” He asked. “I told you. I had to pick up María and then I ran into an old friend and we had a little chat.” He snorted. “An old friend? It was him! I saw you!” He sounded angry and I sighed. “It was his twin. Juanmi. Did you follow me?” I raised my voice a little at the end as I was getting annoyed by him. “No. I was just driving by. Well, whatever. I need to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow after work.” He hung up after I said goodbye. I looked at my phone rather confused. What the hell was that? I shook my head.

We have been a couple for about eight months now. We met at a party Calida had thrown. Andrés said it was love at first sight. I didn’t know what it was... Not anymore. Before my grandfather died we had problems already. He was busy with work and when he had free time he wanted to spend it with me but I had María. She was the top priority in my life and he didn’t understand that. 

There were still the words from Juanmi in my head. He didn’t move on? It has been two years, he had to move on. I did. I had a new life in Barcelona. Friends, a house, a boyfriend. And now the foundation to manage. I did move on. I did.

# ~~~

A few days after I met Juanmi I went to my therapist.

“How are you?”   
“I don’t know.”  
“Why?”  
I shrugged.  
“Because the press brought back what happened?”  
“No. I can deal with this, now.”  
“Then what is it?”  
“I met José.”  
“Your ex-fiancée?”  
I nodded.  
“You never talked that much about him.”  
“I know.”  
“Maybe you should.”  
“Maybe.”  
“But you don’t want to?”  
“I don’t have that much to talk about him.”  
“Okay. Did he leave you?”  
“Why do you ask me this now?”  
“Because there is obviously something bothering you about this issue.”  
“He didn’t leave me. I left him.”  
“Why did you leave him?”  
“I had to.”  
“Okay. Who told you that you had to?”  
“What?”  
“Well, I thought, if you had to, someone forced you.”  
“No. No one forced me.”  
“So then... Why did you leave him?”  
“Still, I had to.”  
“Still, no reason.”  
“You annoy me today.”  
“I don’t want to annoy you. I want to help you.”  
“I know.”

# ~~~

I sat on the patio with María on my lap sleeping. The sun was going down but it was still warm. Normally María would already be in her bed but I needed company today. Andrés called again to tell me that he couldn’t come.

We hadn’t seen each other in almost four days. Since our talk after I returned from Madrid, Andrés has been distant. I wasn’t sure what I felt. I didn’t know if I missed him or if I just missed some company. I asked him to give me more time before I would tell him about what happened to me. He said he would give me the time I needed. But lately he started asking over and over again.

I looked at the ocean and took a deep breath when suddenly my phone rang. I picked it up quickly that María wouldn’t wake up from the sound. “Hi. It’s me.” José. His voice was silent. “Can we talk?” I snorted. “Because the last time turned out so well.” I run my fingers through María’s hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I hope you won’t kill Guti for giving me your number.” I laughed slightly. “I guess I won’t. I didn’t kill him after he set up our meeting.” There was a moment of silence. “Why are you really calling?” I asked. “I talked to Juanmi. He said you met.” My heart stopped beating for a second. But before my thoughts could take me away José spoke again. “María is my daughter...” His voice was only a whisper. I sighed. There was no point in denying it. “Don’t deny it again.” He sounded desperate. “I never denied it.” He laughed. “You ran away.” María moved on my lap and made tiny noises in her sleep. “What do you want me to say?” I sprawled on the lounger and María opened her eyes. “Don’t be like this. Please. Just... Let’s talk.” María yawned and looked at me. “I... Uhm. Listen, I can’t right now. María needs to go to bed and... I’m not ready. It’s... I’m sorry.” I heard him taking a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’m lucky you didn’t hang up in the beginning I guess. But...” His voice went silent again. He sounded insecure and desperate when he continued. “...can I see her? I mean... Really see her. Like... As her father?” I looked down to María, she had fallen asleep again. My eyes started filling with tears and I swallowed. “I... Yes... No... I don’t know. Maybe.” I wiped away the tear that fell down my cheek. “Okay. So, I guess I’ll talk to you?”

 

María was in her bed and I was about to go to the bathroom when my phone rang again. “Senora Marquez. It’s Senor Garcia.” I was surprised to hear from him as I said I would call him next week. “I’m sorry to disturb you but I forgot to tell you that you have to come to Madrid next week. There’s a fund-raiser and as the representative you need to be present.”

# ~~~

How do you make your heart and brain work together with your subconscious? Especially when you don’t know that you have to. When you’re lucky you have people who tell you that you changed. People who help you realize that you made the wrong decisions.


End file.
